Visions Starting Up Again

Apparently the peace I had within my mind was only a break. The visions have been coming back gradually. I don't really know how to feel about them. I don't know if I want them or don't want them. I've tried getting sleep to eliminate them possibly being caused by sleep deprivation and I've tried to stay away from stress or stressful standards.

I had a dream a while back. In it, I was in a diner stressed out because I was trying to solve a murder case of a man in his mid-30's (of course, I don't do this in real life). It switched to some other scenes (unrelated). When I woke up, I heard 'someone' whisper a name in my ear. Much to my significant other's surprise and I'm sure disapproval (lol), I exclaimed the name upon waking, jumped out of the bed, and looked the name up.

The first few results, some of the only results on this specific name, was of a man in his mid-30's who had died in my State. I was shocked at how specific the results were... and I wonder if he was murdered, or if that was a creepy coincidence on my part.

Back to the visions. Believe it or not, they started back up when I saw a dead cat on the side of the road while I was driving. I saw the cat and had a vision (lasted about 2 seconds), but in those seconds I 'saw' the truck that had hit it and saw the impact of the cat's death. I didn't think anything of it.

But then over the next week, the visions gradually started up again. I remember sitting in my tech class trying to nod off in the middle of a boring lecture. Unfortunately, I couldn't go to sleep because I was interrupted by around 12 visions in the span of 50 minutes. All of the visions dealt with someone who was already dead or who was dying. One was of a little girl who was playing with these toys. She looked up at 'whoever' it was watching her (I was seeing through their eyes) and showed them the toy and smiled. There were other scenes of her running around... in the beginning, a very nice vision, however... in the end it had to happen the way it happened. Near the end of the 5 second vision, I saw her being drowned through the perpetrators eyes. I think out of those several visions, that one disturbed me the most.

Recently, there was another vision that disturbed me. My significant other and I went out, had dinner, and saw a movie. It was dark and we were on our way home on the back roads. It was so romantic, we had Jazz music playing and he was being very sweet and flirtatious. He reached over to put his hand on the other side of my face. I leaned into it and closed my eyes, smiling.

A few seconds later, I saw a flash of this girl with long blond hair hanging from a noose at night time in the woods. Right after that, I saw a shadowy silhouette of this man who was hunched over walking through the woods, but I couldn't see any features! Nevertheless, my eyes snapped open and I had to push his hand away as my mood had changed literally in under 10 seconds from romantic and happy to troubled and depressed. Talk about mood swings!

I told him about the vision, so he understood.

I don't know... I wouldn't be so troubled if these visions weren't all dealing with death or someone dying. I would like to use them to help people, but the darn things aren't specific enough to tell me anything useful! I think that's the most frustrating part.

The Woods

I love the woods. After a busy weekend competing in a singing competition (which I'm sad to say I was unsuccessful), I modeled for a friend who needed to build up her photography portfolio. The site that she wanted to take pictures in was this huge field which was marked off. We climbed the fence, and headed through the tall grass to a large tree in the middle. The tree was surrounded by vines and bramble, but I felt at home there. I am a Pagan, after all.

Which is something I've yet to mention. I am an eclectic neo-pagan, have been since I was around ten years old. My parents, church hoppers, raised me to be Christian, but it never made sense to me. So I searched, and converted to Wicca. I went through a small phase of studying Buddhism, but much of Buddhist philosophy felt like the life had been sucked out of it, and I needed to be part of something that was more - alive. Living. Breathing. And that was Paganism, where dancing and singing are magick; where I could use what was around me and work with it instead of against it.

I suppose this philosophy opened my mind to the possibilities available to all of us. And I am not ashamed of this at all.

Unfortunately, I feel like my life is almost too dynamic. I'm always busy - stuck inside most of the time. I feel like I can't just stand still for a moment and really appreciate what's around me, and the noises and music I hear. I would like to slow down. I would like to be able to have time to listen to what my SELF is telling myself. Or what the universe is telling me, or however way one looks at it. There are many things I wish, but the irony is that life will sometimes give you too much or too little of what you ask of it - so in this instance, my expectations are to blame.

Lights in the Dark

So it has been several months since I've written an entry - I apologize for anyone who has attempted to keep up with it, but I have been extremely busy these past few months with school and other commitments. While these events didn't happen in the last week, I would still like to record them and how I remember them for future reference.

It's a long story - but a friend and I went to a different city to get corn husks, but we didn't want to buy the corn with corn husks because we weren't planning on cooking them. Well, the grocery store we went to in this city didn't have them. I also didn't feel comfortable in that part of town, so I carried a knife in with me. It was dark, we walked into the store, saw that they had none, walked back out to my car, got in and locked the door.

So there were two entrances to exit the parking lot. We took one, and someone was behind us (remember, it's dark). Well, about a minute later, I hear in my head, "They're following us..." My eyes glance into the rear view mirror, and I tell my friend that I think they're following us.

Reality check: There's no reason I should've felt they were following us - it had only been about a minute, they could've been going toward the on ramp to get on the highway like us.

But that wasn't the case. I told her I would slow down and if they weren't following us they would go around us. It looked like they were going to, but they pulled up beside us, rolled down their window and said, "Hey, where are you ladies going?", sped up, and took the opposite left to our right, where we were getting on the highway.

So at this point, I was thinking to myself that THIS is what I should be doing - listening to myself! Not doubting myself. THIS is what kept my friend and I safe that night.

Then I had what later felt like a relapse.

My friends and I were going out of town. So this one friend was driving and we were riding with her. It was actually stupid, why we were going out of town. We had just seen paranormal activity and made an impulse decision to go check and see if my friend's dorm room was haunted (Yes this is our idea of FUN!) It was dark, back in August when the deer start coming out. So we were driving along, and we had to have been on the road for at least fifteen minutes when I got a VERY panicky feeling in my stomach - felt like it moved through my arms - and then what felt like 10 seconds later, she hit a deer.

I was SO angry. To think - THIS was my warning, I KNEW and felt something was going to happen, and I didn't say anything. We were very lucky. The cop told us that a week earlier, on the same road, a deer had went into the passengers side of a lady's car and severely injured her passenger.

The Man Behind the Dumpster

A couple of days ago, I'd done the usual routine: Sleep, eat, go to work. Around 11 p.m I'd went outside for my usual cigarette. I brought a bin of trash with me to throw away and as I was walking up to the dumpsters, I put my hand on the latch to the door and hesitated. Something didn't feel right - it felt like there was another presence around me, but I couldn't pinpoint it. I thought to myself, "This place feels haunted," then, "Oh, but what am I thinking?! There wouldn't be ghosts around here!"

I'd never felt hesitant near this spot before. So I opened the door and threw the trash in. I usually smoke behind the dumpsters. I took a step toward the back and heard, "Sorry! I'm sorry." It was dark, so I couldn't see who was speaking.

I didn't feel threatned, so I stood there. I asked, "Hello?" The man apologized again, stood up, put his cap on, and walked past me. I asked if he was okay, he said yes, and he went on his way.

So it definitely wasn't a ghost. But it was somebody, of who's presence I felt and dismissed.

I said in my last post I wasn't going to doubt myself. I made that mistake again. What is it going to take for me to realize that this ability isn't a skill in a videogame? That this is real life - this is serious. What if the guy had been threatning? Would I have risked my life over not taking myself seriously?

I felt bad for the guy. Supposedly he'd been sleeping there all weekend because my manager had found trash strewn everywhere the night before. She found him the morning after I saw him, called the cops, and I assume they tried to find him a homeless shelter.

Lesson learned for REAL this time: Don't doubt.

In closing.

Games and The Thid Eye

I haven't posted in a long time. Apologies! This last semester of college was pretty grueling and though I concentrated on my studies, I did give some time to spiritual practice.

The disturbing flashes have died down considerably though sometimes they revisit me. I've been working on honing what I do and do not see. I'm getting better at receiving images from other people's minds. The last two weeks of college, a few friends of mine decided to experiment (the game where people send an image to another and that person has to 'guess'). The guy friend sent me the first image. I relaxed and became in tune with what was around me - all the sounds, smells, the touch of the breeze - and saw it. A flash of a purple flower. I thought to myself, "No... he's a guy. He wouldn't send me that," and proceeded to create an image of a cat in my mind and said, "A cat." He replied, "Nope. It was a flower." I asked him what color - and it was purple. With wide eyes I said, "Are you serious?!" and smacked my forehead and told him what had happened: that I had doubted myself.

Lesson learned: Do NOT doubt the first flash. It will always apply in some way.

We continued the game and I got the next three correct. The last one I got wrong. He sent me the image of my eyes, and I told him that all I could hear were thoughts. He said I must've went an inch too far.

At work, a guy was talking to me about a situation he was in, but he declined in mentioning anyone's name. I looked into the guy's eyes and got a flash of a face. I knew who he was talking about before he finished the first sentence. By the second sentence I interrupted and told him, "I know who you're talking about." He acted doubtful, and I whispered the person's name. The guy was shocked. This situation is happening more often - it's easier to read someone if I stare into the person's eyes. I know that this is a crutch, however.

I'm getting better at knowing what will happen next - the next card drawn in a card game, the next cop and his location, the next mood of a person, when someone will call me - Sometimes they occur in flashes, other times with intuition.

When I'm busy, I still try to practice. I can practically open my third eye at will now, but if I keep it open for too long (up to three or four hours cumulative) I feel like a zombie. Note to self: Find something to fix this so I can start keeping it open longer.

I still have a long way to go. I need to start meditating more. I also need to start practicing daily with actual excercises. I want to start working not only with images, but words and names.

If there are tips anyone can give me to fix the third eye situation, that would be wonderful. Otherwise, until next time folks! And I'm going to start practicing more.

It was Difficult - It Still Is

If you talk to someone who has really had clairvoyant experiences, they will tell you that some things they have seen were terrifying - I assume this is what they were talking about.

It was difficult coming into the realization that I could possibly be clairvoyant. It wasn't difficult in the way of doubt. I doubt myself very rarely. What was difficult is what I started to see.

I explained in my last post that when I see something, it comes as a flash. Well, a few years ago when my mind started opening up more fully to this ability, I started seeing things that were absolutely terrifying.

I rarely talked to my mother about my mental state, but this started to bother me so much that I decided to sit down and talk with her about it. I started thinking that maybe it was because I was sleep deprived or stressed out. I told her this. While she didn't know how to answer me, she tried to give me comfort and sent me off to bed.

Imagine the scariest movie that you've ever seen: You have it? Those flashes that I had were much scarier. After all ... they were practically right in front of me, in my visions. I've seen things so terrifying that I'll be surprised if a scary movie ever gets advanced enough to compete with them.

This continued up until the middle of last year. Every day, I would get at least one flash. On many days, it was more. I started becoming paranoid of closing my eyes in class because I knew they'd be there waiting to show themselves to me. If I was driving, it would happen with my eyes open - you can imagine that bothered me. Seems slightly dangerous to see things like that when driving.

And then: It hit me. When they would show themselves to me, I would hold them there. I Forced the flash to stay in my minds eye - and they would look at me. Just: stare. I asked them what they wanted. Sometimes they would point to objects or just stare at me, tilting their head to the side almost as if wondering: "Why aren't you afraid anymore?" or possibly, "Has she accepted us/me?"

I knew I had them in the palm of my hand. They had no power over me anymore.

Now, who are "THEM"? I can't possibly explain it myself. Some might call them dead people; some may call them demons; some might theorize they are my minds' way of rationalizing the shock of opening up to this form of seeing. Whatever they are, they've never hurt me. Sometimes they've pointed me in the right direction - where I should or shouldn't go; who I should and should not talk to.

They've been showing themselves less and less, and I've been getting more positive/neutral visions - more accurate than I ever would've imagined them to be. Is it because of them? Is it because my mind is getting over the shock of seeing this way?

I don't know. What I do know is - whatever or whomever shows themself to me, I will be there to accept them. And if anyone who reads this sees things/people like this, don't be afraid of them but don't try to push them away because they will keep showing you. You just have to know when to accept them.

Predictions and Frequencies

Most of my predictions seem unimportant or irrelevant. They come as a flash of insight - a thought, a word, or a vision in my mind screen. Sometimes, I know when it's a prediction. These flashes are different than the ones of a creative mind. Instead of slowly seeping into my mind as does creativity, they are literally flashes.

It rains a lot in March here in the US. I'll let you know, however, that I don't watch the weather. My significant other was on the computer and I was just about asleep when the thought 'It's going to rain,' flashed in my head. "It's going to rain," I said to him. He turned to me and said, "Okaaay..." almost as if saying, 'Why does it matter?' Of course, it didn't matter, but since it was a flash, I revealed it. What was interesting was that day, there had been no indication that it was going to rain the next day.

We woke up the next morning to it raining. I got on facebook that morning and realized one of my friends had posted around the time that I was falling asleep that it was going to rain the next day - people commented on it with disbelief.

I'm a student, and I work at a fast food joint. While we were slow, I was staring out the drive-thru window. I saw this man walking out to his car. 'He'll want to turn around,' flashed in my head. I kept staring at the back of his head and while he was halfway to his car, he turned around and walked all the way back into the store and stayed there with his family for about ten more minutes and finally left. I wondered why a person would walk out to there car, not even get to the car, turn around, and leave after ten minutes. Strange. But as with most of my predictions, why would it matter?

Yesterday morning I had a flash of two young teenage boys jumping in between ditches. I thought, 'Alright, so?' So of course later that day, I saw them on my way home yesterday. On this same ride home, I thought to myself, 'I should really get some stamps...' I waited a couple seconds and thought, 'Wait! Why do I need stamps? I never mail anything!' 15 minutes later, when I was at home, I got a call from a family member saying my taxes were done and all I needed to get was a stamp.
I sighed and wondered why I always did this to myself – never listened to my intuition when it would've saved me on time.

Lately I've been experimenting with binaural beats. My mind screen seems to become more active around 6 hertz and 16 hertz. I get more flashes, but I never know what they mean. They are of people that I don't know.

Just a tidbit of interesting information about the 16 hertz frequency. " TETRA masts are reported to pulse at 17.6 hertz which is very close to the 16 hertz frequency that the IEGMP report warns might affect brain activity, and in fact item 5.59 of that report says inter alia -- -- "as a precautionary measure, amplitude modulation around 16 hertz should be avoided, if possible, in future developments in signal coding". Some studies have suggested that radio waves of this frequency can cause calcium to leak from the brain, triggering damage to the nerve and immune systems. (See http://mastaction.org/home.html)" (Kenwright Local Issues).

Perhaps it's just the masts or radios themselves – supposedly your brain emits 16 hertz frequency when someone gives the one word command 'feel' (Robbins 88).

And closing,


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Works Cited

Kenwright, Ron. "Current Local Issues." Fulford Parish Council. 27 Mar. 2009
http://www.fulfordpc.org.uk/.

Robbins, Jim. A Symphony in the Brain The Evolution of the New Brain Wave Biofeedback. New
York: Grove P, 2001.